


Zapdos Learns To Read

by myexplodingcat



Series: Flying Taser Shenanigans [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pokemon GO
Genre: At least it will tell you that anyway, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Silly, This is straight up just Spark and Zapdos doing their best to get a rise out of Blanche, Zapdos and self control are mutually exclusive, don't worry zap doesn't kill anything, it will make other pokemon faint in inconvenient situations if it's funny enough, not a blanche/spark fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 14:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myexplodingcat/pseuds/myexplodingcat
Summary: Spark discovers that Zapdos has picked up some written language, and gets the idea to teach his (ill-tempered, easily bored, friendly only to Spark) Legendary to read--and it agrees, mostly because other people's reactions will behilarious,and Blanche is at the top of the list.But how does one teach literacy to a force of electricity with the attention span of Candela at a board meeting? Well...“I got a bright idea!” Spark grinned.“Tell me,” Blanche said, in a flat voice that rather implied “don't tell me.”It gets worse.





	Zapdos Learns To Read

“Spark?” Blanche asked, at last looking up from her book. “Why is Zapdos following me around?” She was visiting Spark's main lab to swap research data while Professor Willow was sick, and finding it hard to curb her impulse to start mindlessly organizing Spark's desk and open filing cabinets.

“Oh,” Spark said, waving his cereal spoon around—and again Blanche carefully _did not comment_ on the presence of food in a lab. “It's because you're reading. Zap just wants to see what it is.”

A twinkle in his eye as she stared at him. “You taught... this... Pokemon to read.”

He couldn't help his grin this time. “So? Articuno can read, can't it?”

Blanche glanced over her shoulder. Zapdos seemed to think her reaction was equally funny and it was obviously waiting to see what she'd do next. “Of course,” she conceded, “but...”

“Zappy's plenty smart enough to read. Aren'tcha, Zappy?”

There was a moment in which Zapdos and Spark made eye contact, and there seemed to be an exchange she wasn't privy to, because Spark laughed and shook his head.

“I suppose I'm just... surprised you two put in the effort,” she said dryly, returning her poker face to cover her confusion. “Seeing as its main hobby when bored appears to be improving its aim at frying Pidgeys from a long distance.”

“Well, you know, when you find this kinda raw natural talent, you should take advantage of it!” he said, laughing.

Blanche frequently spent her evenings curled up against Articuno, with a mug of tea and the bird reading over her shoulder (or being read aloud to if there were lots of difficult words). Articuno preferred hot, sweet peppermint tea served in a ceramic casserole dish, especially if there was a bag of pumpkin seeds to be had as well. She was not sure what sort of tea Zapdos took, and even asking the question was a little much after a long day.

“And how did you discover this... raw natural talent?” she asked.

“Well... it started with some Chinese food,” Spark said.

Blanche nodded. This was back on Instinct territory. “Go on.”

 

It was a cheerfully bright and sunny Tuesday afternoon when Spark took a stroll down to his favorite Chinese restaurant, the few clouds hanging on in the distance a marker of Zapdos's good mood. But this time, when the bell chimed as he opened the door, every member of staff stopped what they were doing and carefully scouted the scene before going back to work.

“Ah, definitely the right place then,” Spark muttered to himself.

“Hi,” he said to the cashier. “I think I have a tab to settle.”

The cashier laughed, sounding relieved. “Ah, uh, yes, I suppose! Although your... bird... did pay, you know.”

“What?” Spark laughed. “It did? Let me see.”

The cashier produced a button, two quarters, and a recipe for Jolteon food.

“Oh, I was wondering where that went!” Spark said. “You don't mind if I take this back, do you?” He waved the recipe.

“Go ahead. Oh, and it also gave us this...” The cashier bent over again and brought up an oddly scratched page of a magazine. It looked like Zapdos had tried to carve letters into the page with its beak.

It took Spark a minute to stop laughing. “That is impressive. I didn't know it was figuring out how to write! Blanche is gonna flip her lid when she finds out. Oh, man, that's the funniest thing I've seen all day. I should get it framed. Ha! Now, how much do I owe you?”

They settled, and Spark added, “ You've probably figured this out, but I didn't actually send Zappy out here. I was out sick, and it... decided that I needed food. Sorry about that! I think you can safely expect Electabuzz to pick up future orders.” Spark wasn't sure, but he thought he heard a sigh of relief back in the kitchen.

He took Zapdos's Pokeball off his belt as he  walked off down the street again. “You could've scared them a little less, buddy,” he said, and it gave a little shake. Spark rolled his eyes and put it back.

 

That evening, as Spark was  cleaning up after cooking for himself and his Pokemon, he turned to Zapdos. “Hey, Zappy, you wanna learn to read?”

Zapdos perked up, which meant a neck extended from the ball of yellow fluff where it had been half-napping on the couch with Frizz, Spark's Jolteon.

“I don't really know how to teach you, but I can try!” He looked around, trying to think of a good teaching aid. “Ah. Here's that angry letter from Blanche after you fried her messenger Pidgey last week.”

_It still got there,_ Zapdos grumbled.

“Yes, I know, but that's because she put a Focus Sash on it after last time. So, each of these shapes means a sound, and you combine shapes to get words.”

_I know that._

“It gets more complicated. But let's try to read Blanche's letter. Start here—this shape is C...”

Spark went through and explained each letter of the three words at the top of the page.

C-E-A-S-E

A-N-D

D-E-S-I-S-T

_I don't understand those words._

“That's what Blanche says.”

_Why would she say something to me she knows I don't understand?_

“It's a letter to me, to tell you to cut it out.”

_It sounds like “cut it out” would not require so many letters._

“Yes, but the letter comes from Blanche.”

 

“All right, all right,” Blanche interrupted with a sigh. “So, you found this an effective teaching method?”

“Well, no,” Spark said. “We didn't even get through your letter before Zap got bored. I switched to a murder mystery instead, but then it lost interest again after the murder was over with. I tried giving it kids' books, but that got messy because it shredded them into bedding after it read them, or after it...”

“Got bored with them?” Blanche finished. Spark shrugged and nodded. “And how did you solve this problem?”

“I got a bright idea!” Spark grinned.

“Tell me,” Blanche said, in a flat voice that rather implied “don't tell me.”

“Well, by that point, it had already learned a lot, so... we started watching anime! Er... It's like a cartoon, but usually with lots of magic and shouting.”

“I know what anime is, Spark.”

“Anyway, we watched a bunch of subtitled stuff. It's not really hard to figure out what's going on from context anyway, so it made a good... what?”

Spark paused, and Blanche realized Zapdos was “speaking” again.

“I am not even going to dignify that with a response,” Spark said.

“I won't ask. What happened with the anime?”

“We got halfway through Madoka Magica before it stabbed the TV with its beak when Kyuubey showed up again.”

Blanche's expression did not change.

“Um, it's this evil white furry thing that harvests the souls of--”

She waved her hands. “And?”

“Well, Zapdos was pretty frustrated after realizing it was just a picture.”

“ _And?”_

“It really hates Espeons now.”

Blanche covered her face with her hand. “That explains the incident in the park, at least. Spark, can't you... you know...”

“Control it better? Blanche, I can teach it to _read,_ but lessons in self-control don't really take. The best I can do is ask nicely and distract it with something else.”

A big huff from behind her showed that Zapdos was less than pleased with this description. Static electricity zapped her as it passed, ruffling its wings, to loom over Spark instead.

Another pause. “Yes, I can see you exercising lots and lots of self-control for not frying us for that. Let's be honest. You just want cakes.”

_Squak..._

“Fair enough. We can go get lunch. Blanche, you wanna come with us?”

Spark's winning grin was standard fare, but was that Zapdos trying to make huge adorable Eevee eyes at her?

She sighed. “Oh, all right.”

Zapdos extended a wing to Spark, who met it in the strangest high-five that had ever taken place. “Great!” Spark said. “But not Chinese.”

**Author's Note:**

> The person to come up with the funniest set of things Zapdos is saying to Spark wins an Internet.


End file.
